on thursday,

over a hundred people came to eat lunch (there's usually about 70-80)- even after the door was locked, people who left let new people in and so a lot of people had to wait longer than usual for their meals to be served and a few gave me attitude about it. I walked into the kitchen and almost started crying- I know I'll develop a thicker skin eventually but I just felt awful and harassed and I didn't want to feel that way on my birthday!

then after lunch I had a very long meeting about the other part of my job (where I'll be spending my time when I'm not at the soup kitchen)- my co-worker evan and I will be organizing and running huge volunteer events and spending a lot of time getting Hands on Hartford up and running. it bummed me out a little because it all seems a lot more businessy and behind-the-scenes than I expected. but! I'll give it a little bit of time and see what happens.

my housemates and I have been talking about how interesting the dynamic is in our workplaces as volunteers- sometimes we're expected to work just as hard (in some cases, over 50 hours a week) or harder than real staff members. on one hand, I like that we're given so much responsibility; on the other hand, we're not being paid and sometimes it can feel a little like we're interns doing stereotypical, intern "bitch work." most people motivate themselves to go to work on those blah days because of their paychecks. but we'll have to motivate ourselves in other ways- like the individuals who are genuinely grateful for our work and who will come to depend on us, with less of a focus on the people who might make us want to start crying out of frustration and feelings of futility (I'm serving their lunch with a smile but I can't heroically give them homes or help with their addictions). all of our agencies have us because they're understaffed and it's the dirty work and the little tasks that keep them going as non-profits so that they can continue to help people.

I love my community- my housemates are four wonderful individuals. we all clicked from the start and we're our own little family in Hartford. they listen to me and make me laugh and make me think and I'm so grateful to have them!