leaving

A lot has been going on lately. The gracious and sweet clients that always say "Thank you" and "God bless you" and are so humbled by the help they receive seem to becoming less and less, and the number of clients who are demanding and ungrateful and moody is growing. There are a lot of reasons- their substance abuse issues, their psychological issues that some are not on the right meds for, daylight savings time, the approach of our summer hours (starting Apr. 1st we'll be open 11-1 as opposed to 10-2 and we won't be serving coffee in the mornings). And another reason that I partly blame myself and the other staff members for is people taking advantage of us. I never play favorites and I try my best to treat all of the clients equally, but at the same time I know that it's ok to make exceptions occassionally depending on the situation. Oh well.

I wrote the previous paragraph a few weeks ago and since then things have been a lot better- it was just a bad week.

I don't think I'll be writing on this too often anymore because I always wonder how much info is too much info to be writing on a thing like this that anybody can see! And anyone who reads this that I don't talk to regularly can always e-mail me of course and I hope to keep everyone updated :-)

uh oh

It's not a good day at work when I have to call 911. A fight broke out because a regular client was smoking a rolled cigarette outside, and two others who aren't regular clients thought it was marijuana and hassled him, then accused him of making racist comments, then attacked him and I think they broke his nose. There was blood everywhere in the stairwell and of course it riled up the whole dining room right before lunch was served. Understandably, it makes the whole room feel uneasy when cops show up. It was under control within a few minutes, but it was still a little scary and goes to show how easily things can blow up in this kind of environment.

In better news, Obama continues to be on a roll and I'm very excited/nervous for March 4th! yay!

the american dream

It was the best Valentine's Day ever! I loved spending it with my clients and my housemates and friends. We decorated the dining room and gave out candy and I was so much happier to be at work than at the fancy nonprofit launch.

I think I've touched on this in earlier posts, but I can't understand why some people think that the idea of the "American dream" is real and attainable for everyone. Of course there are remarkable stories about people working their way up from nothing- but they are remarkable and talked about because they're so rare. It's the type of opinion I think can only be held by someone who is naive to the fact that they were born into privilege.

Paul Krugman wrote a great Op-Ed about it today:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/18/opinion/18krugman.html?_r=1&hp

valentine's day eve

It snowed through the night and today there has been freezing rain all day- lunch was slow but everyone was in need of dry socks and a few people couldn't stay awake (even while eating their meals or making phone calls). In part maybe due to the weather, but also because of the drugs that some of them use.

I'm about to go to the afterschool program that's part of our nonprofit to help the kids make placemats and decorations for lunch tomorrow. There is a fancy luncheon at a nice hotel downtown for the launch of the nonprofit's new name, but I decided I'd rather stay at the meal program with my clients. In the morning I'm going to decorate the tables and put out candy, and we're going to hand out toiletry kits and chocolate cake with pink frosting for dessert. I know a lot of people dislike Valentine's Day, but I always love it and I'm really excited for it!

clients and immigrants

I'm ready for the week to be over! I'm glad it's Friday. This week has been stressful, between the client who got worked up when I told him I couldn't give him a transportation request if he does get an SSI check each month but admitted he spends the whole thing on crack, and another who every day spares no details about the cancer that spread from his colon to his stomach to his testicles, and two women who are trying to recover from their addictions but whose time is up at their rehabilitation women's shelter and all of the other women's shelters in the area are full. I'm looking forward to just relaxing this weekend, making Valentines with senior citizens tomorrow morning, and picking out a special dessert for Sunday (I gave up junk food for lent! I'm thinking of going to Little Italy for a cannoli).

We saw Obama speak at the Hartford Civic Center and were so close to the stage! We even shook his hand and I took lots of pictures. It was wonderful to hear him speak and while I respect everyone's different political opinions, my personal opinion is that I'm keeping my fingers crossed for his nomination because I really like him so much. It's such an exciting year and it's cool that there's something almost everyone talks about- my co-workers, my clients, my housemates, strangers on the street, and so on.

Then two nights ago, Rachel, Beth and I went to Danbury (it's about an hour away from Hartford) for a rally protesting the passing of 287g, which would essentially have the police working for ICE and give them the authority to invade the privacy of those who have an insecure resident status. Again, I respect the different opinions about the immigration topic. And I've realized that it is a huge hot button issue- it seems like the bottom line is that a lot of people are scared. They're scared of immigrants taking their jobs, raising the crime rate, replacing their cultures, and sending the message that our country is the land of opportunity for anyone, not just legal citizens. I can understand these fears, but personally I wish those who are already here would be granted amnesty. 287g was passed with an overwhelming majority (19-2) and I understand why it was, but I'm afraid that now the over 10,000 illegal immigrants in Danbury will be scared to report crime or anything else to the cops. I know that some might say they deserve to be scared because after all they came here illegally, but in my mind I feel like the problem already exists and there are more compassionate ways to deal with it. Just like I feel that the homeless and substance abusers exist and being angry that they exist doesn't help the problem at all.

Even though 287g was passed, I'm so glad I went to the rally. There were over two thousand Hispanic residents of Danbury there, with signs and American flags, and the energy was so great. People thanked us and you could tell it meant a lot to them to have the support of young, white Americans who they normally wouldn't expect to care about their well-being.

Anyway! It's a heavy topic. Right now I'm just looking forward to going out for coffee with some co-workers, and then going home early and hiding from the snow!

smiles

Today feels like a Friday because we have off tomorrow through Monday for our re-orientation retreat. I'm excited to see all of the east coast volunteers (there are 80 of us total) and have time to relax and read and just hang out. But whenever I'm away from work for a few days, I miss it! I know I say it all the time, but I really love my clients. Even when I'm exhausted and stressed, it just makes me happy to see them and talk to them.

And today was a good example of that, because the custodian has been making me so frustrated lately. I think that sometimes he just gets bored and will suddenly not do something he does everyday (like unlocking the door in the morning at the time we let clients in) and then blame me for it. It's always silly, small things but I feel like he picks on me just because he thinks he can, so then I make it a point to stand up for myself. In all ways I'm trying to be a stronger person- not in an intimidating way but I don't want to be a stereotypical passive female that just giggles when something makes me feel uncomfortable.

But anyway, seeing the clients' smiles this morning made me happy. Tonight, our friends from Boston are coming for the night and then tomorrow morning we'll leave for Scranton.

love your neighbor

Sometimes I think the best help we are able to give can still be degrading, and there's no way to help it. For example, people (I think just a select few) keep stealing the soap and toilet paper from the bathroom. Because we don't have an unlimited supply of either, often there is no soap in there and today, the janitor decided participants who wanted toilet paper would have to come into the office and ask me, and then take some off of the roll but not take the whole roll with them. I know we do the best we can, and I feel badly for those participants who don't steal anything but have to deal with the consequences. And I feel equally badly for those that do take things, because their circumstances have turned them into opportunists who will take even tiny used bars of soap off of the men's room sink.

Last night, we watched the documentary Jesus Camp about Evangelicals. I felt so sorry for the kids, because they were made to feel guilty and confused and angry at anyone who didn't share their feelings. At their evangelical summer camp, they wore face paint and camoflage and screamed about "going to war" against sin- why feed little kids violent and scary imagery? There are so many ways to raise kids in a religious environment that's healthy, and there were none of those ways in this movie. Paul sent us an article:

http://www.harpers.org/archive/2005/08/0080695

and I think it's so interesting because it touches on things I've wondered about the past few years- why do some people who would define themselves as devout Christians (like people in the movie) preach about a prosperity gospel or an "Every man for himself" attitude? Why would they think that by Jesus saying "Love thy neighbor" he really meant to say "Love thy neighbor only if he is American, and heterosexual, and upper to middle class" ?

The article's writer says the Bible calls for "nothing less than a radical, voluntary, and effective reordering of power relationships, based on the principle of love." I know that I'm young, and naive in some ways, but I feel like I've seen so little of that. And I haven't read the entire Bible, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't say that before you help those in need, stop and wonder whether or not they deserve it. I think I've written about this before, but one of the participants when he says grace before lunch says "Thank you for giving blessings to those who can bless others." But there seem to be so many people with blessings who choose not to help others.